An Offer You Can't Refuse or Happily Ever After?

I don't care whose fault this was,

 just get it sorted!
And could someone please bring me something
deep fat fried and smothered in chocolate?
~Fairy Godmother, Shrek 2

Decisions, decisions, decisions ... expecting parents have a lot of decisions to make. What will you name your child? Will you need child care so both parents can work? What color should you paint the nursery? Who will be the godparents? Admittedly, not everyone selects godparents. My children don't have godparents. And, I'm not a godparent to anyone else's children.

Much of what we know about godparents comes from popular culture. Cinderella had a fairy godmother. Fiona's fairy godmother tried to break up Shrek and Fiona so Fiona could marry her son, Prince Charming. Vito Corlione was "The Godfather," the leader of the Corleone crime family – the most powerful Mafia family in New York City.

Television sitcoms depict the difficulties of selecting godparents. In recent episodes of both How I Met Your Mother, "Who Wants to Be a Godparent," and The New Normal, "The Godparent Trap," couples try to decide who should serve as godparents for their child.

What is a godparent? A common misconception is that the godparents are expected to step in to raise a child if both parents die. In fact, being named "godparent" gives you absolutely no legal standing.

Godparents are often selected for religious reasons. In some Christian denominations, the godparents are present during the baptism or christening. Along with the parents of the child, the godparents are tasked with helping to guide the child's religious path, promising to bring the child up in the Christian faith.

While the term "godparent," is largely confined to the Christian religions, other religions have similar roles. Additionally, the modern secular view of a godparent tends to be an individual chosen by the parents to take an interest in the child's upbringing and personal development. Google "aetheist godparent equivalent," and you will find discussions that typically start with, "I like the idea of godparents, but not for religious reasons."

What happens to the children if both parents die? Even if there is an understanding that the godparents would take care of a child if the parents died, the naming of godparents, without a will designating the guardian(s), does not hold any legal weight.

Child custody decisions are made in accordance with state law, so there may be slightly different considerations depending on which state the child lives in. Generally, however, the states are uniform in approaching  child custody issues using the "best interest of the chilld" standard. The court will appoint a guardian for the child.

Regardless of whether there is a will or not, the ultimate decision of who takes custody of a child is up to the courts. If there is no will, family members can step forward and nominate themselves to take on the role of guardian. The judge appoints the guardian based on what he or she determines is in the best interest of the child. This is not necessarily the closest relative or the person that the parents would have chosen.

If the parents do have a will, they can and should name a legal guardian for their children. However, the court has final say in the matter. Still, unless there is an obvious issue as to why the named guardian cannot serve, the parents' choice will likely be appointed.

Considerations

If you're the parent of minor children and you want to name godparents for religious reasons, understand that the godparents do not have any legal standing. Instead, you should choose godparents based on who you think shares your values and will help guide your child as he or she grows.

Aside from legal considerations, there are also practical considerations. Many times, parents select different godparents for each of their children. Or, the godparents may not be a couple living together. Since courts generally try to keep siblings together, it is not practical to make custody decisions based on an individual's status as a godparent.

In order to name a guardian for your children, you should make a will naming the person(s) you think will be best able to raise your children if something should happen to you. This may be the same person(s) that you've selected as godparent or it could be someone else. The court still must approve the guardian(s), but your wishes will be taken into account.

If a parent doesn't have a will, friends and family members can step forward and nominate themselves to take on the role of guardian. A judge will determine who is best suited for the job based on evidence as to what is in the best interest of the child. Without your desires being set forth in a will, the issue of custody could be hotly contested among family members or other potential guardians. The ultimate decision may not be what you would have chosen.

If you are asked to be the godparent of a child, you should have an understanding of what is expected of you. Are the parents looking for you to take an active role in the religious education of the child, and, if so, are you comfortable taking on that role? Or, will your participation in the baptism be the extent of your role as godparent? Make sure the parents know that your status as godparent does not mean that you'll take custody of their child if they should die.

Finally, if the parents want to designate you in their will as a legal guardian in the event of their death, you should then carefully consider whether you are willing and able to take on that role. If you decide you are not willing to be a guardian, this allows the parents to find someone else to name as guardian.